Ready for a Change? Here's the Surprising Place to Start.
“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”
— James Baldwin
You say you want to get from here to there.
It could be a tangible external change – a new job, a promotion, better communication with your partner, a healthier lifestyle.
Maybe it’s an intangible internal shift – more confidence, less self-criticism, feeling more engaged with your life.
Likely it’s a little of both.
The question is where to start.
In the years I’ve been coaching, what I know to be true about the starting point may surprise you.
Before the visioning and goal setting and action taking there is a simple step that is often overlooked (even by some coaches!).
This very first step is acknowledging and validating.
Acknowledging where you are right now.
Acknowledging your…emotions…circumstances…thoughts…needs…experience.
Saying, “Yes, here I am. This is me” and acknowledging yourself with love, kindness and non-judgement.
And then validating that.
Not making who you are or where you are in your life wrong.
Giving yourself deep understanding and perspective.
This may seem counterintuitive.
Why would we acknowledge and validate ourselves, especially when we want to change?
Here’s why this is important.
Acknowledging and validating activates your parasympathetic nervous system. (Your body's relaxed state.)
You feel heard and seen, loved and safe, calm and present.
It is from this generative state that you have access to higher-level, expansive thinking and emotional regulation.
This is when problem solving, goal setting and accessing your vision feels effortless and so damn good.
This is when action feels inspired and inevitable.
And even more importantly, it is through the very act of acknowledging and validating yourself that you actively create a different lived experience with yourself.
You develop a new way of being with yourself.
No longer are you your own worst critic or unrelenting taskmaster, instead you become an active supporter, cheerleader and champion.
Sadly, most of us weren’t raised this way. We didn’t get it from our caregivers and so we didn’t learn how to do this for ourselves.
That’s why it’s so important to me as a coach to help you experience it for yourself in our sessions. It's fundamental to how I coach (and how I operate as a human).
In our sessions, you get to feel the power of being acknowledged and validated and you learn to do it for yourself.
(I’ve had more than one client tell me it feels like they have a little Allison on their shoulder guiding them through their day.)
If you’d like to read a bit more about how to acknowledge and validate your partner, your kids and yourself, check out this blog post I wrote in 2020, “A Simple Way to Make a Big Impact in Your Relationships.”
And if you’d really like to experience the shift for yourself, you’ll want to schedule time with me for a coaching consultation.
You will leave the hour together with loving self-awareness and clarity on the next steps forward. And you will feel so seen and heard and very likely ready to get going.
This is the first step of how you get from here to there – wherever there may be for you.
Here, where you are right now, is the perfect place to start.