On my way home from preschool drop-off the other day, the George Strait song She Let Herself Go came on the radio. After loudly singing along for a few bars the meaning of that saying started to sink in.

The song is about a woman who, after a breakup, “let herself go.” Though not in the typical sense of the phrase. 

She didn’t stop taking care of herself or her appearance. 

Instead, she “let herself go” to all the places and did all the things she never did when she was with her partner. 

She became more beautiful because she began having a richer, more fulfilling life when she let go of the things holding her back and started being more of herself. 

It made me think of the women in my silver-haired ladies Facebook group. We’re a group of women of all ages who are living with our varied shades of naturally gray hair. Some are just thinking about it, some are in the midst of the transition and some have worn a silver crown for years.

Many of these women have friends and family that assume they are “letting themselves go” because they are choosing to stop coloring their hair.

Just like that song, quite the opposite is true.

What seems like a simple choice about their appearance becomes a journey that is about so much more than that.

They let themselves go.

They let go of hiding, let go of being ashamed, let go of what people think, they even let go of their own assumptions and expectations. 

Instead these women are becoming, embracing and loving their authentic selves. 

When they do that their life opens up in ways they never imagined. They set boundaries, they stand up for themselves, they don’t live for the approval of others, they see their own beauty just as they are.

They feel freedom, liberation and empowerment.

And they become even more beautiful because they’re loving themselves and living life on their terms with their heads held high. 

This is just one example. There are so many ways that we grip tightly to what we know, even when it no longer serves us, because it is familiar. We’re afraid.

We’re not sure where we’ll end up when we let go. The uncertainty keeps us holding on.

Poet Safire Rose’s poem below explores how profoundly and simply we can just let go.

It’s when we loosen our grip we discover who we really are – our beauty and our strength – and how much more expansive life can be when we let go.

What are you holding on to? What’s possible if you let yourself go?

xo,

Allison

SHE LET GO
poem by Safire Rose

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of the fear.
She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.
Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice.
She didn’t read a book on how to let go.
She didn’t search the scriptures.
She just let go.
She let go of all of the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.
She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn’t call the prayer line.
She didn’t utter one word.
She just let go.
No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort.
There was no struggle.
It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forevermore…

“Who we become by going after our goals is even more important than achieving them.” – Allison Burch

Six years ago this month I sat down for coffee with a woman who would change my life.

At that time I often felt like I wasn’t a good enough mom or a good enough employee.

I had a very active, intense kindergartener and I worked full-time in marketing and communications. Years prior it was a dream job but now I was burned out and bummed out.

Some days I was certain I just needed to do more; that I wasn’t doing enough. And then other days I was overwhelmed by it all and couldn’t possibly see how I had anything left to give; I was so depleted.

At this point in my life I expected to be enjoying my success and instead I felt like a hot mess. 

That’s why I found myself in a coffee shop talking to a life coach. 

Even though I had always rolled my eyes at the words “life coach” I knew I needed to work with her when we met at a workshop and she explained the difference between a coach and a therapist: “A therapist helps you heal your past and a life coach helps you create your future.”

I remember that morning vividly, me spilling out everything that was swirling in my head, the decisions in front of me – to go after a management position, work for a different company, look into changing my career, be a stay-at-home mom, start my own business – and all the fears and expectations that went along with each one, and a few things stand out.

It felt so good to be able to talk about me.
I got to share everything and be listened to without judgement, without concern for someone else’s opinion or unspoken agenda, and without the need to reciprocate. As a busy mom, loving wife and dedicated employee I gave a lot of my attention to other people and never expected it in return. It was amazing to experience someone deeply listening to me.

She pointed out the patterns of my thinking through what I said.
And on that first day I said “should.” A lot. I was living by what other people, and what I, thought I should do rather than what I truly wanted to do. I realized I had no idea what it was that I wanted. No wonder I was confused about what to do.

I felt different, even though everything was still the same.
After that first conversation the stress and worry that sat in the pit of my stomach like a knot had loosened. I walked out the door feeling lighter, hopeful because I had a different perspective and I saw change was possible.  

Why am I sharing this with you?

Because I know I’m not the only one who has gone through this.

If you are in that same place I was then you need to hear this:

You are not alone. 
Wrestling with purpose, especially at mid-life, is very common. Although many of us go through it, there is often shame admitting it because we see it as failing rather than the opportunity for growth that it is.

You don’t have to go through it alone. 
We are relational beings so finding someone you trust, who you can talk to is essential. If you have a partner or friend who can hold space for you without their own hopes and fears getting in the way, awesome! Many of us don’t. Even when we have well meaning, loving relationships it’s hard for our loved ones to be neutral. That’s where a therapist or a life coach can help. 

New possibilities come from new ways of thinking. 
We feel stuck because our brains have thoughts that aren’t serving us and they’re playing on repeat. Those neural pathways can get so deeply ingrained we don’t even notice the thoughts anymore and we need help pulling ourselves out of that brain rut.

Once you start thinking new thoughts that serve you and have experiences that strengthen them and do that more and more you open yourself up to opportunities and possibilities you never could have imagined.

It’s brain science but it’s also pretty f-ing magical.

I know, because I’ve experienced it.

6 years ago, I sat in that coffee shop confused and overwhelmed. I walked out with a smile on my face and a flutter of possibility in my heart.

5 years ago I took the leap and left my corporate job, stayed home with my new baby (yep, got pregnant with #2 during this transition) and started to tip-toe to entrepreneurship.

4 years ago I started my business teaching workshops and helping new parents have better relationships.

3 years ago I decided to get trained and become a coach myself because of how powerfully coaching transformed my life and because it was so fun!

Now I have the best job in the world. 

I get to help people confidently live in their potential so they can create a life they love, make an impact with their unique gifts and feel more fulfilled in work, life and love.  

Whaaat??? Mindblown!

I don’t want to give you the false impression that it was easy. But most of the work was on the inside.

As I grew my self-concept and what I thought I was capable of, I stretched and strengthened and learned and failed and got back on track and asked for help and readjusted and got brave and reached out and on and on and on…in fact I’m still doing it because the journey is never over.

But that future I glimpsed in that first day in the coffee shop with the help of my coach — the one where I had more connection, joy, freedom and fulfillment — I’m living it now.

If my story speaks to you and you want to talk about where you are now and where you’d like to be, let’s have (virtual) coffee. Don’t put off starting your own journey.

Trust me, it’s so worth it! 

With Love and Light, Allison

P.S. I want to give tons of love and appreciation to Jenny Remington, that woman in the coffee shop who became my coach for many years and who I now am lucky to call a friend and mentor. We should all be so blessed to have someone like Jenny in our lives! xo 

Photo by Melanie Grizzel Photography.

“Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.” – Goethe

Happy New Year!

Here’s a fun little game to play at this time of year.

What’s something wonderful in your life now that a year ago (or longer, you make the rules) was just a dream?

For many of you, that might be that baby you’re snuggling with. For some of my clients, it’s a completed first draft of their long-dreamed-of book.

It could be a big goal you’ve worked hard on and finally achieved. Or maybe it’s something small, but important, that you’ve consistently done with little or no fanfare.

It could even be a way of being that’s different – maybe you’re less quick to criticize or you’re more compassionate to your partner…or yourself.

Now, take a moment to celebrate and appreciate!

Remember, what we appreciate appreciates. When we recognize our accomplishments with pride and gratitude we cultivate more of that good, motivating energy. Yahoo!!!

A couple of biggies that stand out for me were running a 5K without stopping or walking, something at the start of the year I couldn’t even imagine was possible; and getting my professional coaching certification and welcoming new clients, a career dream I’ve had for a while that I finally took action on and accomplished.

Most people use the start of the year as a marker for reflecting and dreaming, and so do I.

For me, it’s not about resolutions, those habits to start or stop, that we often drop after a few weeks and then feel bad about for the rest of the year.

Instead, it’s about setting intentions for how I’d like to show up to my life and what goals I’d like to work toward. What’s important to me? What do I want to make a reality in my life? How will I grow as I open myself up to what’s possible?

I’m not sure this is for you, but if you also like to use the start of the year to get clear on what you’d like to create for yourself please join me for my upcoming Create a Year You Love! Workshop where I’ll share the New Year goal-setting practice I’ve used for the past five years.

Create a Year You Love! Workshop + Coaching
Wednesday, January 15th or Saturday, January 18th
9:30 am – 12:30 pm
Registration and Workshop Details

What’s cool about this process is it goes deeper than just goal setting. In this 3-hour workshop, I’ll guide you through reflecting on lessons of the last year, connecting with what’s important right now and envisioning where you’re headed.

You’ll leave with clarity on what you’d like to do and, maybe even more importantly, who you’d like to be in 2020. When you put those intentions out there (and down on paper) then the magic happens!

In addition to the in-person workshop, your registration includes a private, 60-minute coaching session so you can get personalized support on what most resonated in the workshop.

That may be tapping into what’s most important to you, you’re “why”; or it might be loosening up those limiting beliefs holding you back so they get out of your way; or maybe it’s developing a really clear plan of action to achieve those big goals.

(We’ll schedule the coaching session for at a later date, after the workshop.)

Just imagine how different your year could be if you started it with aligned intentions, clear focus and positive energy.

Join me and Create a Year You Love!

I’m curious, a year from now what wonderful thing will be a reality in your life that is just a dream now? Share with me in the comments.

With Light and Love,

Allison

“To love someone is to learn the song in their heart and sing it to them when they have forgotten.” — Arne Garborg

A few mornings a week I wake up early, and while the rest of my family is cozy in bed, I join a dear mama friend to run around our neighborhood.

Here’s the thing. I’m not a runner. At least that’s what I’ve told myself for more than twenty years.

Running is hard for me. Really, really hard. And if it wasn’t for my patient, encouraging, take-no-excuses friend waiting for me by her mailbox every morning and running with me, I would still be telling myself the story that I’m not a runner. And my actions (or lack of action) would validate that.

But with her support, I am doing it. Consistently. And now I’m very close to running a 5K without stopping. (No laughing. That has been a big, impossible goal for me.)

Don’t get me wrong, it’s still hard. Really, really hard. But the story I’m telling myself now is very different.

I am going for it. I can do hard things. I actually kind of like it. I’m running!

Here’s the key: I have support.

I have someone who believes in me, even when I don’t believe in myself. Who encourages me to keep running. Someone who is waiting for me to show up. Someone who reminds me of why I’m doing it.

We All Need Support

Five years ago, at a New Year’s goal-setting workshop, the idea that I needed support smacked me upside the head.

Maybe it’s because I grew up as an only child, but I’ve always thought of myself as independent, able to get things done on my own. I rarely asked for help. I was embarrassed to receive it. I didn’t want to put anyone out.

Yet, as I did the workshop exercise and reflected on my accomplishments over the past year, every one of them happened because I had the support of someone else – my husband, my Crossfit coach, my mom, my coworkers, on and on.

It was with this realization still reverberating, that I met my soon-to-be life coach in the lunch line at the workshop and decided I wanted her support as I navigated some big, scary decisions about my career.

I didn’t have to do it alone.

We Aren’t Made to Do Life Alone

Your beautiful dream needs someone believing in you.

That big, scary decision needs someone who says, “you got this.”

Every mile or rep or lap needs someone cheering you on.

You need someone to remind you of that song in your heart when you forget it.

So I ask you. Do you have the support you need? Who is on your team? Are you asking for help? And are you open to receiving it?

Saying you need support is not a weakness. In fact, it’s one of the bravest (and smartest!) things you can do.

But here’s an even bigger question.

Who Are You Supporting?

What are you doing to support the dreams of the people most important to you? Do you even know what they are?

Are you able to put aside your own fears, your own agenda and deeply listen to what they need? And then give it to them?

When we help people see themselves and what they are capable of in a new way, we help them shift their perspective and create new beliefs about themselves.

Dr. John Gottman says honoring your partner’s dreams is one thing you can start doing right now to improve your relationship. He shares this funny story of a man who heard this advice for the first time.

How Can I Support You?

Now here I am, a life and relationship success coach, because people believed in me and supported me.

I went from feeling stuck, burnt out and overwhelmed, to doing the most fulfilling work I can imagine. All because five years ago I got brave and asked for help.

Now I get to be that support for others.

I help people who are ready to step out of their fear and their negative stories about what is possible and go after what they truly want out of life. I get to coach women and men who want to show up as their best selves so they can, in turn, support their partners and their families.

Inspired by the Arne Garborg quote at the top of the page and based on my personal experience I’ve developed my coaching philosophy…

I help you see what’s possible for yourself and remind you of it when you forget.

I believe in you. I whole-heartedly, unconditionally believe in you.

If you are open and ready for that kind of support so you can make your big goals real (even if it’s just to start getting clear on what those goals are!) schedule a complimentary discovery call and we can explore the possibilities.

Hey, if I can become a runner anything is possible!

TAKE ACTION

Ask someone you love about their big dream. Then think about what you can begin doing now to show your support.

What’s an impossible dream you’re working on? How will you get the support you need to make it happen?

Share with us in the comments.

xo, Allison